


Who We Are And What We Want To Be

by TheTurtleFromHell



Category: Castlevania (Cartoon), 悪魔城ドラキュラ | Castlevania Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Heavy Angst, trevor has a low emotional IQ but he does his best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:34:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22061143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTurtleFromHell/pseuds/TheTurtleFromHell
Summary: After Alucard becomes increasingly distant, Trevor decides to see if he can help (and hopefully not fuck it up too bad)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 51





	Who We Are And What We Want To Be

-

Trevor sighed. It was quiet, too quiet.

Ever since he and Sypha chose to stay and help restore the estate and castle, they expected things to remain the same with Alucard more or less. Instead, he kept himself at a distance, like a ghost you barely caught sight of. Sypha said to give it time, that he’d come and talk about things when he was ready.

But Trevor knew better. He knew what the hurt of losing family did to one, how it built walls so tall you felt like you were a fairy tale princess locked in a high tower. Except you didn’t wish someone would come save you. No, the tower would tell you that you were the one who built it, so you only deserve the outcome. People would get hurt trying to climb it, so it was better they not come. In fact, they should move as far away from your tower as possible because you were the one who built the ugly thing and God forbid your shitty building resulted in it falling on top of them, then someone who didn’t even want to deal with you gets hurt by your stupid pity tower and-

“God, I’m horrible at metaphors…” he mumbled as he put a stack of books on a shelf.

“What was that?” Sypha asks, busy reading through a book bigger than her entire head.

“I said I have to take a shit.” he said louder. 

Sypha scoffed and rolled her eyes, “Well don’t let me hold you up.” she replied with dripping sarcasm, “I wouldn’t want to come between a man and his shitting.”

He didn’t say anything back as he rushed out of the study.

“... must have been very urgent.” she says to the book in her hands.

* * *

Everything hurt, as if his troubles were seeping deep into his bones, settling in every nook and cranny. Getting out of bed in the morning was nearly impossible, but he had to. He couldn’t let them know. Sypha was all too happy to help others with their troubles, even at the risk of her own wellbeing. Like putting a plate of grapes in front of a dog who didn’t know the danger.

And Trevor… Trevor had only just discovered his own sobriety and began putting himself together. He was in a fragile phase of recovery, he couldn’t let all that work be undone.

So here he sat, high on the balcony of the top tower, going through stacks of old drawings. All his, of course. His mother and father had really encouraged that passion, maybe they hoped he’d become a great artist of his time rather than this shell of a man he was, doodling portraits in sand.

“Hey.”

Alucard flinched in surprise, whipping his head around only to stare in contempt at the person, “Oh… it’s you.”

“Well gee, you don’t have to jump for joy or anything.” Trevor said, folding his arms as he walked over. As he did, he remembered some advice Sypha had given him, ‘Treat him the way you wished someone would have treated you when you were younger.’

“What’s that?”

“Childhood drawings.” he replies, flipping through them one last time. He pauses on a scribble of a tall, dark man clad in red and black, “... garbage.”

“Garbage?” Trevor cocked a brow, “I mean, it’s no Greek masterpiece, but it’s not that bad.” 

“Sure.” he shrugged, tossing them aside. As they fall to the floor, his heart aches with regret, stabbed with pain as each one hits the ground.

Trevor knelt down, picking them up and looking one at a time, “A little abstract for my taste,” hums in thought, “But I’m sure there’s an audience for this type of thing.”

He neatly stacked the papers into a neat pile and placed them on the table.

“Fuck off.” Alucard glared. The words ‘Fine, be a dick’ lingered on Trevor’s tongue, but he held them back.

“I’m sorry.” he says after forcing the meaner words down. Alucard squints at him suspiciously, but returns to his seat without another word.

“So… listen,” he starts, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, “If you wanna talk about anything...”

“Like what?”

“I dunno… anything really.” Trevor shrugs, “You can talk to me.”

“And why should I?” he asks bitterly, “After you told me not to ‘get all weepy’.”

Trevor cringed at his own words, “Ugh… listen, I’m not going to pretend I always know what to say, or that I’m good with words, and I know I’m an asshole and every other thing in the book,” he walks over, taking a seat in the other chair, “But I’m an asshole who’ll listen to your problems, so that’s got to count for something.”

Alucard stared at him blankly for a moment, before a smile spread across his face, “You’re really the best I have, don’t you?”

Trevor laughed, “At least I’m not a priest in a confessional booth.”

“Like I’d ever set foot in one.” his voice trailed off as he took a single deep breath. His throat bobbed, as if the words were stuck and trying to fight their way out. Trevor mustered up all the patience he could as he waited.

“...My father never loved me.” the dhampir blurted out, words tumbling over one another. Of all the things Trevor was prepared to hear, that wasn’t one of them.

“Oh…” he said, a little dumbfounded.

“Well, he did love me, but not in the human way if you know what I mean.” he sighed, quickly adding “Who am I kidding, you don’t. No one can.”

Trevor cleared his throat awkwardly. Damn, this was more than he had been prepared for, “Well, I don’t get it… yet.”

He looked over and tilted his head, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You can explain.” Trevor said, balancing on the back legs of the chair, “I can’t promise I’ll get it right away, but I’ll do my best.”

Alucard considered this, then nodded, folding his hands in his lap, “I… I always felt loved.” he nodded to the drawings, “He told me he loved me, he told me stories, taught me all he knew and tucked me into bed when there were scary storms outside… but I realize now-” his voice caught in his throat.

“Take you time.” Trevor reassures, placing a hand on his shoulder.

The dhampir sniffled and rubbed at his cheek, at the tears that had not yet fallen, “He called me… he called me the greatest gift my mother gave him…” his voice cracked under the weight of emotion, “That’s all we were to him… just things for him to make and keep him happy… as much as he pretended to be human he couldn’t be one, he wasn’t one and he nev-never loved us like one!” he coughed, dropping his head into his hands, his hair falling like a curtain around his face as he sobbed.

“I just-” he breathe hitches, “If my father… if he was a monster trying to be human, what does that make me?”

Something within Trevor clicked, like a switch had suddenly connected him to a part of his brain that told him what to do.

His hands moved slowly and carefully, like he was trying not to panic a wild stallion. They wrapped around the dhampir lightly at first, and then when Alucard pressed his face in his shoulder he held him closer, instead of saying a quip like ‘don’t get snot all over my tunic’.

For Trevor it felt foreign and familiar all at the same time, like finding an old shirt that somehow still fit you after God knows how long. He chose not to dwell on his own thoughts too long and instead rested his chin atop blonde curls, rocking them ever so slightly as he rubbed slow circles on Alucard’s back..

He feels Alucard turn his head to speak, barely above a whisper ,“I’m sorry… about all this” he sniffles, “This all just… just…”

“A goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation?” Trevor finishes. He might be more empathetic than he was a moment ago, but he was still Trevor Belmont.

Luckily, it makes Alucard huff out a short chuckle, “Yeah… that…”

“Yeah…” he echoes as another moment of silence falls over them, punctuated only by deep breaths in between sobs.

“I think…” Trevor begins, praying he isn’t about to say the dumbest shit he’s ever said, “I think if Dracula was a monster pretending to be human, then I’d say you’re a human pretending to be a monster.”

Alucard sits up (to tell him he was stupid he thinks at first.)

Instead he looks confused, “A human pretending to… what?”

“I mean…” Trevor rubs the back of his neck, clearing his throat, “You’re not fully human, but you’re human. At least, more human than monster, since you understood your mother’s message when he couldn’t.”

“Humans can be monsters.” Alucard retorts, eyes narrowed into slits, “The people who burned my mother prove that.”

“Well, yes but those were monsters pretending to be human too. I- uh, shit…” he mutters to himself “I’m not good at this. Listen,

“You said in a world without humans, there would be no art, or music, or sunlight or anything of the sort. But I’ve seen you draw, I’ve seen you laugh and cry and tell me how much of a dumbass I am, and whenever you do those things I look into your eyes and I see a human. I… I don’t know how to prove it to you, but I’ll tell you as many times as it takes.”

“Trevor...”

“In fact, ignore the time we first met and I called you a vampire. I was very hungover and I say stupid shit when I’m hungover.”

“Trevor.”

“Seriously, there was this one time when I ran into a nun when I was hungover and said-”

“Trevor!”

When Trevor finally looked back, he saw Alucard staring at him with red, puffy eyes, cheeks rubbed raw and stained with tears, snot glistening at the bottom of his nose, and the biggest smile he’d seen Alucard have since…

Well, since before he murdered his dad.

“Thank you.” he says casually, like Trevor had just helped him move a couch or something mundane like that.

“Yeah, well we’re friends,” he says with a shrug, “So you know.”

“Yeah, I know.” he sniffles and wipes the corners of his eyes, “I’m ready to go back now.”

“Me too.” he nods, smiling back.

* * *

“Well, that took a while.” Sypha says as she turns around, “And no, I don’t want to know the- Alucard?”

“Hello.” he waves, walking over from Trevor’s side to hers and sitting down.

“Hello…” she says back, cocking a brow, “So uh… where were you?”

“Oh,” he hums as he takes a book from one of the stacks, “I was with Trevor the whole time.”

Sypha looked back at the blushing Belmont with wide eyes that screamed ‘what the fuck’, “Seriously? What, do you need company with you like a three year old?”

Trevor screamed internally as he struggled between telling her the truth and respecting Alucard’s privacy.

Sypha, however, mistook his silence for confirmation, “Oh my God, you did didn’t you? I cannot believe this! You are unbelievable!”

As she went on, Trevor looked to the confused dhampir with a screaming glare of his own that said ‘you owe me big time for this’.

**Author's Note:**

> Last fic of 2019. I should probably be saying something important or give advice for the new year, but I can't think of anything...  
> With that said, I hope you all have a wonderful new year and that all the best things come to you!!  
> See you next decade <3


End file.
